patient but oblivious. hopeless and not even romantic. stubborn yet still in love. "i love you and i will never try to make you into something that you're not.." (Just Love.. Don't Ask.. )
Who'd have guessed. I didn't realize it till I accidentally hit my head on something while mindlessly walking home last night.Now, i can't get those words out of my head! haha.
"Fool me once, shame on you! Fool me twice? Shame on me.."
-words from a fool in and out of love.
I guess i've said it right.. unlike this guy.. 
Happy april fool's day everyone. And have a blessed holy week.
R and R does not stand for Rest and Recreation/Relaxation. But I can't blame people if they think or act that way during this week. This is because it's the time of the year where we could probably be off from work for a certain time.
R and R stands for Repent and Reflect. Repent for all the sins I've made and do no more of them. Reflect on all the actions I've taken and learn from them. Holidays like these should not only be alotted for rest and other activities. It should also be the time for prayers and conversations with God. If you're not doing these things. Well, think again.
Things usually happens for a reason. May it be a happy one or a sad one. Change is Inevitable. All you can do is make sure it happens in your favor. But then some things may not be that easy to be accepted. And during those times. Just run to Him. God understands. God always understands.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Just learned that the fiance of lyn's ex died. They were going to be married soon. Sad news. Don't know the whole story. Don't know lyn's ex personally may have met him once or twice just couldn't remember.. pero still I am mourning. Hearing the news made me sad. I offer my prayers to her. May she rest in peace. and to the guy.. may he find the strength despite all these trials. God bless them.
Had a tiring but great sunday. Attended church celebration at moa. A long session. Longer than the usual 8am to 1030am. Feast ended at around 1pm. Tiring but very well worth it.
Bo discussed about how to overcome sufferings and trials. He made an example about a jigsaw puzzle pretty much what i had in mind on my past entry. But with a slight difference. Well, he discussed that sufferings and trials are like an odd piece of a jigsaw puzzle. The thing is we somehow set aside that odd piece. Ignore it kasi nga masakit at mahirap. Thus we are having problems completing the big picture. Saken iba naman. As what i've said. I may have tried to ignore that piece the first time i encountered it. Then I considered not to ignore or set it aside. Right now, i am still trying to complete that big picture. Considering that there is a chance that i may have placed that odd piece in a wrong way.
Sabi nga nya. If there are sufferings and trials. There are blessings. If Jesus died.. then Jesus is Resurrected. If you have an odd piece. You'll have the big picture. =)
After the celebration, finally met up with an optismistic soul. Had lunch and coffee with her. Thanked her for inviting me to the feast. She was a good/great company. Had a great time. We didn't notice it was 5 already so we parted ways. Till next time.
And what a great way to end the day? Of course with a smile. Received the warmest smile from this nice friendly lady sitting beside me in the jeepney on my way to quiapo. She even talked to me while sharing those great smile. We parted ways in quaipo. Never had the chance to say goodbye. But while I was waiting for a ride to fairview. Saw her again in another jeepney, probably she's on her way home. She noticed me on the street side. She smiled at me again and even waved goodbye.
Oh. Great day. Good times! And don't forget to... Smile.
Relationships last long not because they are destined to last long,
relationships last long because two brave people made a choice.
It has been a while since i wrote something about love.. or just the misery of being out of love. Hadn't been expressing myself lately. I had great ideas of what to write. But never got to write it. Usually had that burst of insight while walking on the way to the office. It's either I forgot what those things are or I just don't feel like writing them here because of complicated things.
Somehow, I feel complicated. Yes I am happy.. but in someway sad. I learned a bit of a good news na bad news. In short complicated. Don't ask what it is. It's complicated.
I dunno why i am feeling this way. I know i was making myself ready for this day to come yet I still feel uneasy. To sum it all up it is really that much complicated. A friend told me "ganun talaga.. eto naman.." well, siguro nga.
btw, i had to post how my basil plant was doing. It looks good. Its flowers blossomed. And it grew up to be a healthy plant. Now i have something to use when cooking pesto / pasta and other herbed foods. Yummy. oh crap remembered something about that word. Basta yun. Fresh herbs are still the best, in my opinion.
Maybe i'll write down some emotional shit these coming days. ciao!
I am impossible. Yes indeed. And I thought these things that have happened were impossible to begin with. Yet the impossible became the inevitable. "When you open your mind to the impossible, sometimes you find the truth." Though the truth hurts. There is not much you can do about it. but just live with the truth.
Honestly, I am afraid, probably of loving again. Nah. Not because of rejection. The fear of being rejected was never an issue. Can't blame people if they don't like you in the 1st place. It's a matter of choice, a matter of respecting other people's decision. After all, you can't mess with free will.
The truth is, somehow i developed one great fear from this experience. That is being left because you were not good enough for the one you love. That same person who said he/she loves you too for that matter. But come to think of it, it goes pretty much the same with rejection. Everyone is entitled their own choice. Their own free will.
I may have partially lived with the truth and will fully live with it someday. But still, part of it wreaks havoc inside me. Imagine your self confidence going down the drain. Flushed away by such emotional trauma. Though some could easily get away and re-established that trait. There are still those who are just not built to be preyed, those who are having a hard time recuperating.. and there are also those who just stands up back to their feet again as if nothing has happened. But then, the worst part, there are still those who are not even willing to take just one step forward to free themselves from the misery.
Well, lucky me... I say, I am one of those who had a hard time fixing myself, but is compliant enough to pull myself together and start anew.
So thank you. For those who cared. For those who stood by me. Close friends and the some new found ones. Anonymous and others alike. Thank you. As feb-sunset said in her entry.. again Thank you.
And as I sleep tonight. There's not much I could say but these words of reality from the bottom of my heart.
It's weird. I spent so much time wishing that none of this would have happened and that i never would have fallen in love with you in the first place. But now I really can't imagine my life happening any other way. Thank you. May he be the one you've been waiting for. God bless to both of you. I guess it's safe to say..
Lyn, You're the one that got away.
Finally, for the first time took the ring off my finger. The same ring lyn gave me to match the ring that i gave to her way back then. Don't remember when and I don't remember the occasion either. The only thing i could remember is that it came from the bottom of my heart.
I wont deny the fact that it brings back memories.. happy ones and painful ones alike. It was indeed something.. until today.
Well, It used to fit my finger perfectly but now, it feels loose. Don't know what it implied. My finger must have lost some weight i guess. haha.
It was the same ring I held on too when I had my wisdom tooth operation. Thinking that the emotional pain is way greater than the physical pain I was having that time when my dentist took my wisdom tooth off.
The ring which friends used to tease me when they found out i had one.. (i never wore any jewelry/accessories even watches till that ring came.) The so called "pseudo-engagement" ring I'd say. The ring which i grasp during those sleepless and tearful nights.
I don't know what made me keep it till today. Probably thought of it as a reminder. Something to remind me of my mistakes. Of the things that I should have done. To remind me of who i am. Guess it was part of being a fool.. but then I realized that it's too much. Scars left from those wounds are enough to remind of who i am.. and whom i should be.. and that is to be myself. This is the way it should be.. no excess baggage from the past. None whatsoever. The scars are more than enough.
It was great. Had a great time. Started with an late night friday drinking session in preparation for the company outing next day. Talk about preparation haha. Bit drowsy the next morning, Coupled with a headache and a bit of a hangover. But I think it was good since I was able to sleep on the bus soundly. Travel time was quite long and tiring so I'm glad i just have to sleep that time off.
Been a while since I was on the beach. Had fun swimming, bonding with friends and just plain sightseeing. 
Day ended up with a decision to stay overnight. Just to make the trip worth it. Went night swimming, Walked by the beach under the gleaming moonlight and even played "tubig-tubigan" aka patintero at the beach. Also tried something like past-present fortune telling by card reading. Though I never believed in such things It's somehow funny yet freaky how the cards shows my current situation.
There were also some other important things I choose to stay last night that I'd probably state next time. Had nice moments to remember last night. Hopes are high, even if there are uncertain things. I just don't know yet.
I was able to reach manila at noon and was able to attend church too. Great talk. Nice way to end the Overcome topic I say.
I trust in HIM. I've learned and will still be learning. I acted and will continue to act. And now... I am hoping..
One big message of the day was.. "The last chapter of your life has been written, and it has a happy ending."
Indeed.. and true enough.. it now depends on us to make that decision. That choice to what the ending could be.. Me? I opt to choose the happy ending.
Minamasdan kita
Nang hindi mo alam
Pinapangarap kong ikaw ay akin
Mapupulang labi
At matinkad mong ngiti
Umaabot hanggang sa langit
Huwag ka lang titingin sa akin
At baka matunaw ang puso kong sabik
The cat's almost out of the bag. Most of it. Most of the people at the office has noticed the ring is out of my hand. Not to mention other things. Just because of my decision to stay overnight last weekend. Much like a chain reaction.. pretty much like the domino effect. Maybe if i hadn't made that decision overnight. Then people would have never noticed me.. and my life. But then if i hadn't made that decision.. things would never have been the same.
... on the other hand.. did something brave today.. I think everything is good between us. I'll take her word about that matter.
Life has been good. I'm not expecting anything. If everything turns out to the way I would have wanted it to be.. then, I'd be very thankful. If not then I'd still be thankful.
Be patient.. as always.. just be patient.
"patience is not the ability to wait but the ability to keep a good attitude while waiting.."
