lovefull

You're kissable and cuddly;
You're lovable and sweet;
You thrill me every minute,
and sweep me off my feet.

You're charming and disarming,
desirable and true.
You inspire and impress me,
and that's why i love you.

lovefull

Matatangap ko kung di mo na ko mahal.. pero di mo kayang diktahan ang puso ko kung sinu ang hindi ko dapat mahalin..

lovefull

Of course there is.. Remember that day? The day when i first held your hand. You won't probably remember. You wouldn't probably care.. who cares anyway?.... but I do.. Lately, Memories of us just keeps on flashing back inside my head. I may have forgotten most of the details but last night, everything was clear. Like as if it just happened yesterday. That day.. was the 1st time i held your hand. That day, i mustered up the courage to hold your hand. We barely knew each other that time and I didn't know how you'd react but i went for it anyway. I was so happy it happened.. even if i was just holding your hand under that blanket to keep the other people in the room from knowing. Sigh..

Why can't it be like, it was before?

I used to believe that good things never last. While some don't even start. I used to think that way. Then everything changed when i fell in love with you.. I hoped we'd last forever. But something happened. I wish i could have been a better man. It must have been fate. But i never believed in fate. And now... i just knew the fact that.. Some things are more precious because they don't last.

Movie qoute:

Love is not negotiable. Love is … a guessing game and that's the beauty of it, there's no guarantees. It's like… diving into a pool of water without knowing if it's shallow or deep. And sure, yeah, if it's shallow you end up hurt and paralyzed from the neck down … but if it's deep…. you know... It's a leap of faith. It's like, it's like throwing yourself out there without any guarantees, dude, and that's what life's about. (Sigh) Ok, you know those carnival games? Right. And you know how some of them are really hard to win and some of them are super easy and everyone wins? It's just that that's the difference between love and sex. Sex is the game where everyone wins a little prize and no one goes home a loser. And … love is the game that's really hard to win. But if you do, and you get to take home that life-sized stuffed rhinoceros … it feels a whole lot better than taking home that shitty little plastic keychain.  – Leslie ("After sex")

lovefull

So tell me, what was the sweetest thing you ever did for your love one? Bf/gf/husband/wife/ex anyone..

lovefull

And I'm in so deep, you know I'm such a fool for you. You got me wrapped around your finger, Do you have to let it linger. Do you have to, do you have to.. Do you have to let it linger... lalala~~

I saw her on my way to work this morning. She looked great, graceful and beautiful as ever. On the other hand, I looked horrible, tired, restless and with hair sticking out pretty much like a broom. The moment i went out of the train. Something told me that i should look to my left. An intuition, maybe. I don't know if she noticed me. But that doesn't matter. I wanted to walk with her. Wanted to talk to her. But i didn't. It's not that i couldn't do it. It's because i know now that i shouldn't. I just went on with my life.. avoiding her..

A friend told me that it is unhealthy to live in the past.. Now, i'm trying to live in the present. Yes. It is hard. To live in the present.. but i must accept the fact. This is the reality i've created.. and with the coming days, i must make myself stronger. Because i know, there will come a time in the future that i am going to suffer an umimaginable pain much excruciating than what i've felt in the past. and that future is near.. i hope not..

I need to divert my attention. Not work. I liked my job way back then.. but now, it feels different. Maybe because my work was one of the reason why i lost her. l have thought of something. This would really take most of my time.. especially during the weekends.. and i won't be at my sanctuary during those times.. I did this way back then. Around 3 years ago.. and i'm hoping to be successful this time..

Everything has its own time. I just hope and pray that when the right time comes.. i would still have the chance to show her what i really meant when i told her i love her.. that is.. if i'm not too late... again..

btw, thanks for my friend's shadow for the advice and on having a glass of water near me when i go to sleep.

lovefull

Eto ang mga panahon na kalaban ko lahat ng mga love songs sa mundo! Mapa Mp3, radio, tv pati videoke!

Grrrr! Hearing all those songs in just a span of a day.. makes me feel so helpless.

Gusto nyo ng sample?

Mad -neyo
Tell me where it hurts - MYMP
Broken by you - jordan knight
Here Without You - 3 doors down
Tonight - FM static
Jeepney - Sponge Cola

Ilan lang yan. D ko na maalala ang iba. Ung iba parang matagal ng kanta.. un di naman uso baket kaya bigla nalang pinatutugtog. Hay buhay nga naman..

There were also some old songs that struck me.. this one made such an impression.

especially on the lines "Till now i always got by on my own, i never really cared until i met you.."
I know this song doesn't apply in my current situation but the last song did hit me right down through the heart..

The song played while the bus was waiting for passengers right infront of their office building. I really wanted to see her at that moment..

And yes, I admit. I broke down and cried at the back seat of the bus. The lyrics of the song says it all..

"But I want to believe that love can still survive"

lovefull

If you have a tender message,
or a loving word to say,
don't wait till you forget it,
but whisper it today.

The tender words unspoken,
the letter never sent,
the long forgotten messages,
the wealth of love unspent.

For these some hearts are breaking,
for these some loved ones wait,
then give then what they're needing,
before it is too late.

~~~~~It still hurts. And i can't really do much about it. I hate myself. =((

lovefull

Falling in love is the easy part.
It's staying that way that takes some work.
So instead of saying...

"This relationship stuff. It gives me
a headache just to think about it."

Try to change your attitude a bit.

"Okay, I'm taking notes!"

Tip #1
Make a list.
When you find yourself feeling critical
of your beloved, sit down and make a list of
"All The Things I Still Love About My Mate."
This will remind you of why you first fell in love.

"Hmmm... Something I love about him?"

Pretty soon, you'll find yourself thinking...

"Say, he's not so bad after all!"

And making that list goes for both of you
—to help you both remember the good.

"That's what we do.
And it really works to
remind us of our love."

Tip #2
Start spreading the news.
At least once a day, compliment each other.
Because everyone loves to hear good news.

"Thank you, Mary, for taking such good care of me."

"And thank you for scrubbing out the roasting pan!"

Tip #3
Learn what to say.
(And how to listen.)
When it comes to communication,
men and women have different needs.
Men need to hear they've done a good job.

"Honey, I fixed that leak under the sink!"

So remember to compliment him for things he does.
(Even if he doesn't do them that well.)

"Who knew plumbing could be so rewarding?
I'll have to help out more around the house!"

Women need to feel their man is listening.
Men can help by learning the "Mantra for Men"
and practicing it often, saying to themselves,
again and again...

Just listen, don't give advice.
Just listen, don't give advice.
Just listen, don't give advice.

The results can be amazing.

"Wow, he really listened to me!"

Tip #4
Learn to soothe frayed nerves
When your partner is having trouble coping
—either with the world or with you—
don't shout, don't pout, don't run away.
Just turn to your mate and lovingly say...

"Honey, what do you need from me...
right now?"

So instead of wondering what to say or do...

Should I say X? Do Y? Not do Z?
What does that woman want from me?

Just remember those nine magic words:
"Honey, what do you need from me... right now?"
No more wondering, no more guess work.

"Who knew life could be so easy!?"

Tip #5
Give a little more.
Instead of trying to get your way,
try to give a little,
then give a little more.
So instead of...

"Listen up, lover boy!"

or

"This is the way it's going to be."

Learn to think more "We" than "Me."
You'll have a lot less...

"Gosh honey. I don't know what I was thinking."

And a lot more...

"I know what you're thinking!"

This "photo story" is based on the book,
Fairy Tales Can Come True (Just Not Every Day!),
published by Shake It! Books.

I always did tip #1. I never forgot why i fell for her, i accepted her for who she is.. i confess about having some thoughts of breaking up with her during those times when i was really down but i never did it. I never  brought up the issue. I love her.. but i haven't told her why.. i mean i may have, but it was never clear. And i'm not really that good with words.

I have always complimented her. How wonderful she is.. how i love her hair. how i want her hair not to be cut and other stuffs. I thank her for the reminders everynow and then. I may not have shared the good news everyday.. but i never forgot to say thank you and i love you to her. and when i tell her i love her. even when i'm whispering to her ears.. i have always meant it.

I learned what to say but i learned about it usually too late. After everything has happened or after an argument is over. About listening.. yes the question was how to listen. She always thought that i never really listened to her. Her stories, feelings and other stuffs. I guess i made her feel that way. It was how i listen. when she talks I must have made her feel that i wasn't interested in what she's talking about by being not that attentive.. forgive me about that.

I am usually good at this.. but thinking about it.. maybe not..  cause now, i am alone. I was not able to say the nine words at the right time. "Honey, what do you need from me... right now?"

Give a little more. I always tried to give a little more of what she was needing. But i guess circumstances that happens to our daily lives made it look like it was decreasing.. gah..

lovefull

Well, everyone has their own share of first time's right? Your first time to walk when you were a kid. First time to go to a particular place. First job. First crush. First love. First kiss and much more. She was my first. First kiss. My first girlfriend.. i told her i wanted her to be my first and last.. she acknowledged. but i guess i spoke too soon. My life never had  a story till i met her. That day when i had my first kiss, and my first time to hear i love you from someone i love was the best day of my life. I remember the place.. the exact time.. and everything that happened at that  exact moment. Heck i still remembered that she forgot to cook rice for her family dinner that day. haha. I went home that day with a great smile. It was pure bliss. Heavenly joy. The highest degree of happiness. Call it what you want. That day was so nice. If i could be given the chance to travel back to time.. I'd never hesitate to go back to that day. Kahit yun at yun lang paulit ulit. Rewind ng rewind. I could live with that.. and if i could really turn back time. i wouldn't change anything.. kahit na ganito na nangyari sa amin. Everything happens for a reason. And for whatever reason, no matter where you go, no matter what you do, no matter how you feel.. the world is irrational.

I am still keeping every word i said here. For how long? only time can tell. "Di ko alam kung pano ko sasabihin na iba ako.. na di tlga kita iiwan.. Sure ako sa nararamdaman ko.. promise.. pero natatakot ako sa nararamdaman mo para sakin.. pano kung mali ung naiisip ko.." My greatest fear.. losing her. I don't know if i ever told her that but that fear should have been my guide.. i don't know where i went astray.. I used to believe that "there is no fear in love, for perfect love casteth away fear "(John 4:18). Ngayon hindi na muna.. So take heed to your love ones.. no matter what.

As each day passes, i got this feeling that chances are steadily decreasing at a fast pace.. But i still believe...

Yun na nga. Felt like i was living in the movies. It was a dream come true. But know this... When everything feels like the movies.. yeah you bleed just to know you're alive.

 -Nasasaktan ako.. hindi dahil sa mga nangyari.. bukod pa dun..

lovefull

Just woke up with a headache. Been awake for 32 hours straight.. First time to work night shift. I know i shouldn't be working at night shifts, it ruins my sense of time but then no one cares anymore. Atleast i have diverted my attention and made myself busy.. and i don't get to see the ever plastic/tupperware/orocan/lock-lock hell of a boss i have.

Decided to change the title of this post. As commented. But doesn't matter if i could attract readers or not. Her reading this is enough for me. Btw, i forgot to tell her something about going with the flow. It's not normal / that easy for people who have lost their love ones to easily go with the flow.. It's really hard to accept such fact especially if you are the reason why.. for me.. life has more meaning.  And i really I don't want to dig deeper about this stuff, it feels like i am digging my own grave.

Be patient. Take your time.

I don't know kung anu nangyari at pumasok sa ulo ko ung istoryang ito. I've read this 6 years ago. college days. Di pa uso ang pag bblog nun. Ang uso nung time na yun FORUMS. haha. Eto na nga. Nahanap ko rin yung story.. akalain mo award winning pala to. Kung tutuusin maganda nga naman yung istorya. Mahaba, pero it's worth reading. I suggest hukayin mo ang pasensyang natutulog sa loob mo pag babasahin mo to. At sa huli di ka magsisisi pag nabasa mo to. May laman ika nga. Pagpasensyahan nyo na ung mga naka BOLD na part sa istorya. Ni bold ko ung format ng ilan kasi may mga naalala ako. Naiisip. Narerealize.. o marahil tinamaan lang talaga dun sa mga salitang yun.

20 Questions

(by Juan Ekis)

MGA TAUHAN:

Jigs - Fresh grad. Kabarkada ni Yumi. Magtatrabaho bilang researcher sa isang financial firm

Yumi - Commercial Model. Kabarkada ni Jigs. 2 years ahead kay Jigs.

TAGPO:

Gabi. Sa isang kwarto ng isang beach resort.
Naglalatag ng kumot si Jigs sa sahig habang inaayos ni Yumi ang kanyang higaan.

YUMI: Sige na, Jigs. Huwag ka nang magpaka-gentle man. Naaawa ako sa'yo e.
Tabi na tayo sa kama.

JIGS: Hindi, okay lang ako dito.

YUMI: Huwag ka nang maarte. As if naman re-rapin kita no. Malaki naman itong kama e. Hatiin na lang natin sa gitna.

JIGS:  Sure ka?

YUMI: Hindi mo naman siguro ako mamanyakin no?

JIGS: (Matatawa) Okay ka lang?

YUMI:Kung gusto mo, gamitin na lang natin iyang kumot na divider.

JIGS:Good idea.

Isasampay nila ang kumot mula sa kisame para mahati ang kama sa gitna.
Magse-settle down ang dalawa. Ilalabas ni Jigs ang libro niya: "Puppy Love and other
Stories" ni F. Sionil Jose.

Si Yumi naman ay magpapatugtog ng Japanese Zen Music habang nagsa-zazen.

YUMI: Do you mind?

JIGS: No, go ahead. I'm just reading.

Magsa-zazen si Yumi. Magbabasa si Jigs. Pareho silang di maka-concentrate.
Papatayin ni Yumi ang CD player niya.

YUMI: I can't believe our friends.

JIGS: Oo nga e.

YUMI: Dapat ginagawa nila 'to sa mga bagong pasok sa barkada o kaya sa bagong...ay oo nga pala. Bagong graduate ka. Congrats.

JIGS: Thanks.

YUMI: So what're your plans?

JIGS: Kinukuha akong researcher sa ADB. Kinukuha rin ako ng BPI sa OTP nila.

YUMI: Wow naman. In demand.

JIGS: Di naman masyado. Who the hell invented this tradition anyway?

YUMI:  (Matatawa) You won't believe it.

JIGS: Ikaw?

YUMI: Malay ko ba na mabibiktima rin ako nito balang-araw.

JIGS: So why did you start it?

YUMI: Wala ka pa sa tropa nun e. Freshman ka pa lang siguro noon. Wala lang. Napagtripan lang namin si Ronald. E may crush siya kay Meg. Noong unang beses magpunta rito ng barkada, sabi ko, magsimula kami ng  tradition. Ilo-lottery namin ang pangalan ng mga lalaki at ng mga babae. Kung sino ang mabubunot, silang dalawa ang
pagsasamahin sa isang kwarto sa loob ng tatlong araw. And then, we'll all see what happens. Pero dinaya namin noon yung kay Ronald at Meg. Puro Ronald at Meg
ang mga pangalan na nakalagay sa lottery.

JIGS: (Tatawa) Ang sama ninyo!


YUMI: Kaya nga nakarma na ako e.


JIGS: So is our case, dinaya? O talagang lottery?

YUMI: (Teasing) Ano sa dalawa ang gusto mo?

JIGS: Feeling ko may nagtrip sa 'kin sa barkada e.

YUMI: Excuse me po, dalawa tayong biktima dito. I don't see any reason kung bakit tayong dalawa ang sasadyaing biktima this year, unless may crush ka sa'kin na di ko
alam at alam nila (tatawa).

JIGS: Baka ikaw (tatawa).

YUMI: The success rate of this tradition is 100% so far.

JIGS: I was here na the 2nd time. Si Chris at si Cia ang biktima.

YUMI: And last year were Rod and Kay. They're getting married kailan? Sa June yata.

JIGS: What do you expect? Ikukulong mo ang isang lalaki at isang babae sa isang kwarto for three days, imposibleng walang mangyari doon!

YUMI: That was exactly my point. (Ngingiti)

JIGS: E kung may madisgrasya?

YUMI: Anong disgrasya?

JIGS: Alam mo na 'yun!

Hahawiin ni Yumi ang divider nilang kumot.

YUMI: Ano? Sex? Pa'no kung magsex sila? Nakakatawa ka
naman. Di mo masabi.

JIGS: Ang alin?

YUMI: Ang sex!

JIGS: Hah!

YUMI: Sige nga sabihin mo nga?

JIGS: Para kang tanga. Tumigil ka nga.

YUMI: Shet, Jigs. Graduate ka na totoy ka pa rin!

JIGS: Excuse me?

YUMI: Sabihin mo nga: "Sex! Sex! Sex! Sex!"

JIGS: Para kang bata, Yumi ha.

YUMI: You used to call me ate Yumi when you were in third year.

JIGS: Well, graduate na po ako, ate Yumi.

Tahimik.

JIGS: Hmmm. I wonder if we're gonna last three days.

YUMI: (Teasing) Bakit? Ayaw mo sa'kin?

Di sasagot si Jigs.

YUMI: We're gonna survive this one.

JIGS: What makes you so sure?

YUMI: No offense, Jigs. I honestly find you very attractive pero I've no time for this.
Alam mo naman siguro na kaka-break ko lang.

JIGS: Same here.

YUMI: Same here what? Na you find me attractive o you don't have time for this?
(Matatawa)

Di sasagot si Jigs. Tahimik. Io-on ulit ni Yumi ang CD player at ipagpapatuloy ang zazen. Itatabi ni Jigs ang libro. Nawalan na siya ng ganang magbasa. Pupunta siya sa ref. Bubuksan niya ito.

JIGS: Hah! (Sarcastic) Perfect! Red Wine! How very conducive.

YUMI: May chips ba diyan?

JIGS: Sa awa ng Diyos, may tsibog naman.

Papatayin ni Yumi ang CD player. Tatayo siya at kukuha ng chips sa ibabaw ng ref.

YUMI: Since we're gonna be stuck naman with each other for three days, might as well make the best out of it di ba? I-enjoy na lang natin.

JIGS: What do you mean?

YUMI: Get the wine, let's have a drink! 50 hours to go na lang and we're gonna be the first failure of this tradition.

JIGS: Oo nga. (Kukunin ang wine. Maglalagay sa dalawang baso.) When they chose Cia and Chris, naiintindihan ko pa e. Lalo na sina Rod and Kay. Kung baga, tinulungan lang natin silang umamin sa isa't isa. Pero us...

YUMI: Weird ng barkada natin 'no?

JIGS: To our barkada and our weird traditions!

YUMI: To us, the first failure of this tradition!

Magto-toast sila at iinom.

JIGS: Sige, ate Yumi. Let's make our stay here more interesting...

YUMI: What's with the ate?

JIGS: Fine...

Bubuksan ni Yumi ang chips. Uupo sila pareho sa sahig para magkwentuhan.

JIGS: Let's play twenty questions.

YUMI: Sige! Ano yon?

JIGS: Each of us will have ten questions each. Tatanungin kita, tatanungin mo ako, mga gusto nating malaman sa isa't isa. Alternate tayo. Pero the thing here is, you can't ask the question that I already asked.

YUMI: That's pretty interesting.

JIGS: At bawal magsinungaling.

YUMI: Fair enough. Pero whatever is said inside this room remains in the room. Ok?

JIGS: Of course. You wanna start?

YUMI: No. I want to ask the last question. (Ngingiti at kikindatan si Jigs)

JIGS: Smart move. Game. First question: Ano ang greatest frustration mo sa buhay?

YUMI: Nge. Ang korni naman ng tanong mo. Walang ka-challenge-challenge. Ask me something na mag-iisip naman ako.

JIGS:  Simula pa lang e.

YUMI: Sige. Ano nga ba...?

JIGS: Akala ko ba walang ka-challenge-challenge?

YUMI: Wag kang maingay, nag-iisip ako... I'm a frustrated ballet dancer.

JIGS: Talaga?

YUMI: I took lessons when I was six pero umayaw ako. Wala kasi akong disiplina e.
Mas gusto kong makipaglaro sa mga kalaro ko. Pero I really enjoy watching ballet dancers. When I see them dance parati kong naiisip na sana, ako rin. There!  Ang dali naman ng tanong mo. Walang thrill.

JIGS: Appetizer lang. Yari ka sa'kin mamaya.

YUMI: We'll see. Ako naman: Did you ever have doubts about your sexuality? I mean, kahit minsan ba, naisip mo na bakla ka?

JIGS: Never.

YUMI: Bilis ng sagot a.

JIGS: Coz I never entertained the idea.

YUMI: Homophobe ka ba?

JIGS: Alternate tayo sa tanungan, di ba?

YUMI: So, not once? Kahit konti? Kahit what if lang?

JIGS: I'm straight, okay?

YUMI: I'm not asking if you're gay or not. I'm asking kung...

JIGS: Never nga.

YUMI: We all thought na you were gay. Well at least nung first few months mo sa tropa before you introduced your girlfriend to us.

JIGS: What?! You thought I was gay?!

YUMI: E pa'no kasi, masyado kang mabait. Ang pogi-pogi mo, pero parang allergic ka sa mga babae. Over ang pagiging gentleman mo! Too good to be true. You have a good body, it seems that you work out pero iniisip  namin front mo lang yun. Kadalasan kasi front ng mga bakla ang pagiging maganda ng katawan nila at pagiging sporty...

Tatawa lang si Jigs.

YUMI: So we thought it's either that or you were planning to become a priest.

JIGS: What?!

YUMI: Well, you were always this goody-goody person. Pumupunta ka sa chapel. Nangungumpisal, nagsisimba...

JIGS: The way you said it, parang equivalent ang dalawa a.

YUMI: Of course not. I didn't mean that!

JIGS: I take my faith seriously. That doesn't make me gay!

YUMI: So you did want to become a priest...

JIGS: Hindi rin. Actually, I always wanted to raise a family... and be a father.

Tahimik.

YUMI: So you're not gay.

JIGS: No.

YUMI: You never...

JIGS: Ilang beses ka ba ipinanganak? Kulit mo e. It's my turn.

YUMI: Homophobe ka no?

JIGS: Hindi kaya!

YUMI: Whatever...

JIGS: Ako na, daya mo naman e.

YUMI: Okay, okay. Shoot me.

JIGS: How do you see yourself five years from now?

YUMI: You expect to win this game? Ang kokorni ng mga tanong mo e.

JIGS: The object of this game is not to win.

YUMI: E ano pa ba?

JIGS: To get to know the other person.

YUMI: Sure. Basta ako, I will win this game. Walang thrill ang isang game kung walang nananalo.

JIGS: Sagot.

YUMI: May time limit ba ito? (Tatawa) Wine pa nga.

JIGS: Sabi nga nila: in vino veritas.

Magsasalin si Jigs ng wine.

YUMI: Masarap ang wine, ha? Saan kaya nabili ito? (Iinom) To answer your question, either maging entrepreneur ako, magsisimula ako ng sarili kong boutique or bar, o kaya, magiging artista ako sa pelikula.

JIGS: Not bad.

YUMI: Pero mukhang malabo yung stint ko sa movies. Tough ang competition e.
Saka mahina ang manager ko. Panay hosting at pictorials ang nakukuhang raket para
sa akin. Papalitan ko na nga e. Pag nakaipon ako, baka magtayo na lang ako ng botique.

JIGS: (Magbibiro) Ayaw mo mag-bold?

YUMI: Yuck!

JIGS: Lahat ng gustong mag-artista doon dumadaan.

YUMI: May talent naman ako kahit papano a!

JIGS: Lahat naman ng bold star may talent a! Sa dibdib! (Tatawa)

YUMI: (Hahampasin ng unan si Jigs) Bastos ka talaga! Akala ko goody-goody ka...
Hindi ko papatulan ang pagbobold kahit ano'ng mangyari no! Kahit ganito ako, may respeto pa rin naman ako sa sarili ko.

JIGS: Ganito? Ano'ng ganito?

Di sasagutin ni Yumi ang tanong.

YUMI: These producers think all the people want is sex, sex, sex! Kaya puro basura ang mga pelikula e. Wine pa nga!

JIGS: (Magsasalin ng wine) Bakit naman botique?

YUMI: Hoy madaya ka na ha? Hindi pa ako lasing. Ako na'ng magtatanong.  Ang korni mo namang magtanong. Bigatan naman natin nang konti...Inom ka muna.

Iinom si Jigs. Magsasalin siya ng bago.

YUMI: Who was your first crush in the barkada?

Tahimik.

YUMI: Haha! Bingo ka no? Bagal mo naman sumagot. Iinumin ang wine. Magsasalin ng bago.

JIGS: Lalaki o babae?

Tatawa sila pareho.

YUMI: Dapat may time limit ito e.

Tahimik.

JIGS: Hirap naman ng tanong mo.

YUMI: Iyon nga ang maganda e. Para may thrill. As if naman ibo-broadcast ko sa barkada kung sino.

JIGS: Wine pa?

YUMI: Di mo pa sinasagot yung tanong ko, nagtatanong ka na!

Magsasalin ng wine si Jigs kay Yumi.

JIGS: Yung crush ko kasi...siyempre, sino pa ba? E di yung pinakamaganda sa barkada.

YUMI: Nge. Subjective yon no! Para sa'kin ang pinakagwapo si Joel.  Sa babae, si Kay. Para kay Ronald, si Meg...

JIGS: Yung literally na may dating, walang tanung-tanong. Yung kahit sino'ng tanungin mo sa tropa, objectively, siya ang isasagot.

YUMI: Jigs, twenty questions ang game natin. Hindi guessing game. C'mon man. Play your own game. Pa'no na kung truth or dare to e di pahirapan na. Dadalawa na nga lang tayo e.

JIGS: Yung commercial model.

Matitigilan si Yumi.

YUMI: Wine pa nga.

Magsasalin si Jigs. Mag-iisip si Yumi. Iinom. Biglang matatawa.

YUMI: (Tumatawa pa rin) Talaga?

JIGS: Sige, pagtawanan ba?

YUMI: You can say it to my face, I won't bite. Bakit hirap na hirap kang sabihin kung sino? Takot kang ma-reject? Parang tanong lang e... Wine pa nga!

JIGS: Okay, 1 point ka na...

YUMI: (Ngiti) Gee...thanks. Flattered naman ako. At kailan naman nangyari ito?

JIGS: Sorry, my turn to ask. (Ngingiti) Who is your crush in the barkada... NOW?

YUMI: E ginaya mo lang yung tanong ko e.

JIGS: Hinde no. May qualifier ako. Ang sabi ko, NOW. Ang tanong mo, first crush ko.

YUMI: Korni pa rin. Alam mo, kung basketball ito, tambak ka na.

JIGS: Just answer the question.

YUMI: Siyempre wala. I told you, I don't have time for these stuff. Kakabreak ko lang di ba?

JIGS: Korni mo namang sumagot.

YUMI: E korni yung tanong e. Pero kung talagang-talagang kailangan kong sumagot..
.hmmm...teka...sino nga ba? Sino ba'ng crush material sa barkada? Wala akong maisip e.
Ikaw na lang.

JIGS: Yung seryoso naman.

YUMI: Seryoso ako. Ayaw mo yata e. Sige, iba na lang...

JIGS: E napipilitan ka lang e.

YUMI: Uy! Pa'no ba'yan? MU na tayo? Crush mo ko, crush kita...yiheee (Tatawa).

JIGS: Dati pa 'yon no!

YUMI: Ay? Di mo na ko crush? Bakit, na turn-off ka? Ano namang ginawa ko?
Tsk. Tsk.

JIGS: Is that your question na?

YUMI: Oy, hinde! Ito naman... di ba pwedeng mag-follow-up?

Iinom ng wine si Jigs.

YUMI: Fine. Here's a little juicy question: Describe your first kiss.

JIGS: That's not even a question.

YUMI: Arte mo. O: How was your first kiss like?

Matatawa si Jigs.

JIGS: Wet.

YUMI: Yuck!

Magtatawanan sila.

JIGS: Alam mo, aksidente yung first kiss ko. Close kasi kami nung isa kong kaibigan.
Pag naggu-goodbye ako sa kanya, parati ko siyang kini-kiss sa noo. E one time, sa gym habang nagpapahinga, nakaupo siya sa sahig. Tinatamad siyang tumayo. So bumaba ako nang konti para halikan siya sa noo kasi pauwi na ako. E siya naman, para maabot ko, medyo tumingala. E sakto, sa lips ko siya nahalikan. Pareho kaming nagulat. Pero di pa kami naghiwalay agad. Weird nga ang feeling e. Parang may glue! . Ayaw na namin maghiwalay pareho...

Tawa pa rin si Yumi

YUMI: Awww. Ang sweet naman. Parang sa pelikula. Si Krissy ba ito?

JIGS: Hindi. Hindi mo siya kilala.

YUMI: So what happened? Nagkatuluyan kayo?

JIGS: Nope.

YUMI: Ha?

JIGS: Ewan ko ba. Complicated kasi yung situation namin e. May boyfriend siya noon.
Ako naman, takot pa sa isang relationship. Pero at least, na-discover namin na pareho pala kaming may gusto sa isa't isa. Pero hanggang doon na lang.

YUMI: What happened after?

JIGS: We talked about it. We both decided na it wont work. Tapos, bigla na lang, hindi na kami nagkikita. And then, I met you guys, iba na ang barkada ko.

YUMI: Nakakatuwa naman.

JIGS: Ikaw, pa'no yung first kiss mo?

YUMI: Ikaw ang nagturo sa akin ng game na ito di ba? Bakit ba lagi mong bini-break ang rules? Di mo na pwedeng tanungin 'yan!

JIGS: Tine-testing ko lang kung lasing ka na. (Iinom ng wine) Okay, naka-warm-up na ako: What was the naughtiest thing you ever did?

YUMI: 'Yan ang mga tanong! Ano  ba'ng ibig mong sabihin ng naughty?

JIGS: Bahala kang mag-define.

YUMI: Hmmm...marami e...(matatawa) baka maeskandalo ka.

JIGS: Kanina ayaw mo ng korni. Ngayong medyo exciting naman...

YUMI: Eto na...I had two boyfriends at the same time.

JIGS: (Nagulat) Hala.

YUMI: I was with Joel and Zach at the same time.

JIGS: Yikes. Alam ba ni Joel?

YUMI: Kaya nga kami naghiwalay nun e. Nahuli ako (matatawa).

JIGS: Ano namang pumasok sa kukote mo't ginawa mo iyon, aber?

YUMI: Nag-eexperiment lang! ako. E sa type ko sila pareho e. Ano'ng magagawa ko?
Saka para may thrill. Alam mo iyon? Yung patago kang nakikipag-date sa isa para di mahuli. Everyday pa akong nakakalibre, kasi, alternate sila! (Tatawa) Akala n'yo kayo lang mga lalaki ang pwedeng gumawa no'n?

JIGS: How can you love two guys at the same time?

YUMI: Who said something about love? Walang kinalaman ang love dun. I was...having fun!

JIGS: Nainlove ka na ba, ever?

YUMI: Nakakailang tanong ka na? It's my turn.

JIGS: Don't you want to answer the question anyway?

YUMI: My turn!

JIGS: Kulang ka pa sa wine. (Tatawa)

Ubos na ang unang wine bottle. Kukuha si Jigs ng isa
pa sa ref.

JIGS: Ang bilis nating uminom a.

YUMI: Are you still a virgin?

JIGS: Whoa! Where did that come from?

YUMI: That's my fourth question.

JIGS: (Magsasalin ng wine sa mga baso). Ano sa tingin
mo?

Ngingiti si Jigs. Tititigan lang siya ni Yumi.

YUMI: Don't tell me, wala pang nangyayari sa inyo ni\ Krissy hanggang ngayon? Ilang taon na ba kayo?

JIGS: Mag-tu-two years na sana next week.

YUMI: So virgin ka pa? I don't believe it!

JIGS: Mukha ba akong tarantado?

YUMI: Mukha kang nagpapaiyak ng babae e.

JIGS: Insulto ba 'yon?

YUMI: Compliment 'yon, tanga.

JIGS: Ah, okay. Thanks.

YUMI: Pero, you mean, you never felt the urge to do it?

JIGS: Alin? Sex?

YUMI: Wow! Nasabi rin niya!

JIGS: Of course I always feel it. Natural lang 'yon sa tao no? Nasa iyo na lang 'yan kung ano'ng gagawin mo sa urge
na 'yon.

YUMI: E natural naman pala e. Bakit mo pinipigilan? I mean, pag naiihi ka, iihi ka.
Pag nagugutom ka, kakain ka. Pareho lang 'yon, di ba?

JIGS: Pag naiihi ka, iihi ka dahil kailangan mong umihi. At hindi ka iihi kahit saan.
Pupunta ka sa banyo. Pag nagugutom ka, kakain ka dahil kailangan. At hindi mo kinakain ang lahat ng pagkain na ihain sa iyo. Pag di ka gutom, di ka kakain. Pag di mo gusto yung pagkain, di mo gagalawin. Ang aso, pag may nakitang pagkain diyan, walang
tanung-tanong. Lalamon 'yan.

YUMI: And sex is the same?

JIGS: Lahat ng bagay, nilalagay sa lugar. May context. At least, yun ang nagpaiba sa atin sa aso.

YUMI: Grabe ka namang magsalita. Para mo na ring sinabing lahat ng nakikipagsex, aso ah!

JIGS: Sinasabi ko lang, pag wala sa tamang konteksto, mali.

YUMI: And what is that context?

JIGS: Matanda na tayo. Ayokong maging preachy. Alam na natin 'yan.

Tahimik.

JIGS: Kaso, kahit alam na natin, minsan di pa rin natin ginagawa.

Tahimik.

JIGS: Masarap e. Sino ba'ng ayaw nun?

Tahimik.

YUMI: (Medyo nairita) So feeling mo santo ka at dapat kang i-congratulate for being a virgin!

JIGS: Sinasabi ko lang ang pinaniniwalaan ko.Ineexplain ko lang kung bakit di ko ginagawa. May kanya-kanya tayong dahilan. Di ko pinipilit kahit kanino ang mga paniniwala ko... No need to get so cross about it, Yumi.

Tahimik.

JIGS: It's not about being a virgin or not. It's about putting things into their proper places.

YUMI: I'm not arguing with you.

JIGS: Me neither. I'm just answering your questions.

Matagal na katahimikan.

Ngingiti si Jigs. Titignan niya si Yumi na medyo nairita sa nakaraang train of conversation nila. Magsasalin siya ng wine para kay Yumi.

JIGS: Nasobrahan ka na yata sa wine e. (Tatawa) You still wanna go on with the game? Nine pa lang tayo, eleven more to go. (Ngingiti)

YUMI: Shoot me.

JIGS: Who was your first lay?

YUMI: (Hahampasin ng unan si Jigs) Ang bastos mo talaga! So inaassume mo na hindi na ako virgin?

JIGS: E sabi mo kasi, walang thrill ang game pag walang nananalo e. So I guess I'm winning. Saka wala naman akong inimply na ganun a! I'm just hitting two birds with one stone. Kasi kung virgin ka, e di simple lang ang sagot: wala. Kung hindi naman, e di sino?

YUMI: Ang daya mo.

JIGS: Akala ko ba ayaw mo ng korning tanong.

YUMI: You think I'll answer that after giving your sermon, Father JIGS:?

JIGS: Ano ka ba? Inexplain ko lang yung personal reasons ko. Kung ano man ang sa iyo, I'll respect them as well as I know you respect mine. I'm no saint. I'm just trying to get to know you better. (Ngingiti)

YUMI: How do you do that?

JIGS: Alin?

YUMI: I should have walked out on you kanina pa pero the way you say things...parang bumabaliktad sa ‘yo...makes you more...charming. Kung ibang tao ka siguro, di na kita kakausapin.

JIGS: You can't walk out. We're locked here for three days except for meals.

YUMI: So I'm forced to like you para di masira ang vacation ko. (Ngingiti)

JIGS: You don't have to answer my question if you don't want.

YUMI: I guess I'll be honest with you as you were honest with me...

Tahimik. Iinom ng wine si Yumi.

YUMI: Di mo siya kilala. His name was Robert. He was my first boyfriend. It was Senior Prom Night. Alam mo na...typical senior prom story. Everyone wants to lose it on prom night. Everyone thinks na pag prom night, it was something special. We went out sa hall nang maaga. We made out sa kotse niya. One thing led to the other. Tapos, yun...yun na.
We went back just in time for the awarding of the prom queen. Guess what, I won pa. (Mahinang tawa)

JIGS: What was it like?

YUMI: Now that I look back, it isn't as special as I thought it was. Pero it was different then. Back then, we were just led by our passions. Alam mo yon? Andun ka na. Hormones raging wild. Passions and Ideals are confused. Akala mo love, yun pala, curious ka lang pala. Akala mo yun na yon. Akala mo you are in-love at lahat ng gawin mo tama. Lahat ng gawin mo perfect. Everything was magical...well, almost.

JIGS: Almost...?

YUMI: Sa next question mo na 'yan. Ako na.

JIGS: (Pabiro) Wine pa? Kulang ka pa yata e.

YUMI: Nilalasing mo ko no? May balak ka sa kin no? (Tatawa)

JIGS:  Is that your question? Sasagutin ko na. (Tatawa)

YUMI: Engot. Hindi yon. Here's something na curious lang ako. Kasi I've been hearing things...saka you've hinted on it na rin kanina...Are you still with Krissy?

JIGS: Hindi na.

YUMI: Since when?

JIGS: Two, maybe three weeks ago?

YUMI: Sino'ng nakipag-break?

JIGS: Pareho kami.

YUMI: Why?

JIGS: Maraming dahilan, actually. Naisip na lang naming na it won't work.
Isa na don, magkaiba kami ng gustong mangyari sa buhay. Magkaiba kami ng mga pinaniniwalaan.

YUMI: Like what?

JIGS: Marami.

YUMI:  At ngayon mo lang nalaman iyon after two years with her?

JIGS: People change, Yumi.

Tahimik.

JIGS: Right before graduation, she asked me to move in with her.

YUMI: Talaga?

JIGS: Sabi niya, doon na naman din daw papunta ang relasyon namin. Might as well practice na raw for the real thing. Tutal, she's working na naman, ako naman bagong graduate, we should try out na raw living together if it'll work for us.

YUMI: Natakot ka sa arrangement?

JIGS: Hindi naman sa natakot. If you love someone, ano pa ng ikakatakot mo, di ba?

YUMI: E bakit umayaw ka?

JIGS: It's just that, it's not my thing.

YUMI: ! Sabi na nga ba e, bakla ka no? Sinasayang mo ang opportunities!
(Matatawa)

JIGS:  Hindi ako oportunista. At lalong hindi ako bakla.

YUMI:  Fine.

JIGS:  Naisip ko lang na hindi pa pala ako handa sa mga ganitong bagay.
Wala pa sa isip ko ang gano'n. Na-shock siguro ako sa reality na iyon na nga ang next step sa relationship namin. I mean, two years of being together and knowing each other, we're practically ready to get married, if you know what I mean. Pero I realized, I'm not ready for any of these. Narealize ko how immature I am. Na iba yung ideals ko two years ago sa ideals ko ngayon. I need to mature some more to get into this thing I mean, getting
married. Diyos ko, ilang taon lang ba ako...

YUMI: Maturity has nothing to do with age.

JIGS: But it has a lot to do with time.

Tahimik.

JIGS: So I thought, bakit kailangan ng practice mode? Ibig sabihin, pag sumablay kami, split na kami? Live like a couple minus the commitment? Pa'no pag nawala na yung magic? Goodbye na?

Iinom ng wine si Jigs.

JIGS: Kung kasal na, kasal na. Wala nang practice. I think that's the real cowardice. Yung i-try muna natin kung it will work kasi takot kayo na baka hindi maging successful ang outcome. Saan na napunta ang excitement ng buhay? Kaya nga kayo in-love, para sabay kayong humarap sa totoong buhay, sa hirap at ginahawa, di ba? (Matatawa) Hindi yung pagpapraktisan muna ninyo para siguradong ginhawa lang.

Magkikibit-balikat lang si Jigs.

YUMI: Are you always like that?

JIGS: Like what?

YUMI:  So cerebral in everything. Kahit pagdating sa relationships.

JIGS:  Life is too precious para lang daanin sa trial and error.

Ngingiti si Jigs. Tahimik.

YUMI:: So, No hard feelings?

JIGS: Friends pa rin kami. She still calls me up nga sa bahay e.

YUMI: That's nice.

JIGS: Kayo, bakit kayo nagbreak ni Carlo?

YUMI: That's your sixth na ha?

JIGS: Sure.

YUMI: Alam mo, ironic para sa akin yung break-up naming ni Carlo. And the funny thing was, it was about...sex. Uy, sa atin lang ito ha?

JIGS: Of course.

YUMI: Kasi nga, I was looking for that magic nga di ba? I wanted to be in a relationship na special naman. So of all the boyfriends I had, sa kanya lang ako walang sexual relationship. As in nag-aabstain talaga ako. Kasi parang naisip ko, para magkaroon naman ng meaning yung making love di ba? Parang, dapat di mo parating ginagawa, at ginagawa mo lang when you are sincere with yourself and with your partner. So I was investing muna emotionally. And I was actually starting to care about him. Yung, hindi
ko na iniisip yung sarili ko.Yung siya lang ang inaalala ko. Akala ko perfect na...

JIGS: Ano'ng nangyari?

YUMI: Patunayan ko raw na mahal ko siya. Magbigay daw ako ng proof. Pagbigyan ko raw siya. Sabi ko sa kanya, hindi pa ba sapat na proof yon? Na I'm saving myself for that right moment, that special moment between us? Alam mo'ng ginawa? Nilayasan ako!

JIGS: You deserve someone better.

YUMI:  Talaga!

YUMI:  Isipin mo, kung kelan naman I grew tired of meaningless sex, when I'm looking for the real thing, saka naman mawawala. Ang ironic ng buhay no?

JIGS:  That's the way we must learn.

YUMI:  Alam mo, kung tutuusin, never ko pang na-experience yung tunay na mag make-love. And I had to go all through those relationships para lang ma-realize yun. At least, ngayon, alam ko na ang hinahanap ko.

Iinom ng wine.

YUMI: Ikaw ba, importante sa yo na virgin ang mapapangasawa mo? How do you see virginity ba?

JIGS: Alam mo, di ko pa napag-isipan yan. Pero now that you ve mentioned it...It doesn't matter kung virgin ang mapangasawa ko o hindi. Of course I value virginity a lot. I treat it as the only real gift I could give to my wife to be. Imaginin mo na lang di ba, kung wife ko ang una ko. It's like the perfect wedding gift I could give to her. Pero kung siya hindi na virgin, I wouldn't care. As long as mahal ko siya. Kasi I don't expect her to give me the same gift. I don't do something because I expect people to do the same to me. Ibigay niya sa akin ang sarili niya nang buong-buo, sapat na sa akin yon. Masaya na ako sa ganoon.

YUMI: (Mapapangiti si Yumi.) You know, that's the nicest thing I ever heard from a guy. That's why I always enjoy talking to you. You always say the nicest things.

JIGS: Wow. Salamat. E ikaw, is making love to you equal to love?

YUMI:  I always took sex and love as opposite ideas. I mean, after the first time na...you know...sa Senior prom. Kasi afterwards, we broke up na ni Robert. Tapos naisip ko, yun na ba yung love? Baka hindi love yung naramdaman ko. Baka napagkamalan ko lang siyang love. I was just after the pleasure of intimacy. And then I felt empty. So empty. That's why I wanted to change. I wanted to believe in making love. And I'm still looking for it. Yung magic. Yung feeling mo, tao ka pala. I never felt that kahit isang beses. Men have penetrated my body but never my soul. And I wanted that. I wanted someone to touch my soul. To make love to my soul through my body. Pero siguro, naging numb na ko sa dami ng relasyong pinagdaanan ko. Hindi ko alam kung mararanasan ko pa iyon.
That's why I envy you.

Tahimik.

YUMI: Sa tingin mo may pag-asa pa ako?

JIGS: You still have your soul...(Ngingiti)

Tahimik.

YUMI: With whom would you want to experience it?

JIGS: Of course, sa asawa ko.

YUMI: I mean, someone in particular. Take it as my seventh question.So give a name.

JIGS:  A name? Hindi ko alam. Basta kung sino ang magiging asawa ko.

Tahimik. Magkikibit-balikat si Yumi. Iinom ng wine.

JIGS: Well, I always thought na it was Krissy. And then, it was just gone.
Of course I loved her. And I still do. Pero the magic was just gone after we both found out na magkaiba kami ng mga prinsipyo sa buhay.

Tahimik.

JIGS: My turn?

YUMI:  Shoot me.

JIGS:  Tell me something...a secret. Yung wala kahit isang nakakaalam.

Matagal na katahimikan.

JIGS: You trust me naman di ba?

YUMI:  Well, you've earned it, alright.

JIGS:  Saka wala akong tinatago sa yo. Sinagot ko lahat ng tanong mo as honestly as I could. (Ngingiti)

YUMI:  I uhm...

JIGS: Yes...?

YUMI:  I need more wine.

Magsasalin si Jigs ng wine.

JIGS: Take your time. We have less than fifty hours to go.

Iinom ng wine si Yumi.

YUMI: I'll tell you something no one in the world knows except one other person. And that person probably forgot all about me already.

JIGS: (Pabiro) What? You had sex with a stranger?

YUMI: Ano ka ba?

JIGS: Biro lang. Seryoso na.

YUMI: Promise ha? Hindi ito lalabas.

JIGS:  Promise.

YUMI: If this goes out, I will hunt you kahit sa libingan mo. Huhukayin kita at papatayin kita ulit.

JIGS: Mamatay man ako ngayon.

YUMI: Okay...(Pause) I...I was with Joel then... (Magiging mas seryoso ang tono niya) ...and Zach. I wasn't really with Zach, I was just going out with him pag wala si Joel, alam mo na...making out and stuff...Well, anyway, I was kinda serious din naman
with Joel that time. Joel and I were...you know...doing it. And...

JIGS:  And...?

YUMI: Uhm...I...uhm...I got pregnant.

JIGS: What?

Tahimik. Iinom ng wine si Yumi.

YUMI: I uhm...shit. Hindi ko naman talaga ginusto e. Uhm...Two months akong delayed...then I took that test. I found out na buntis nga ako...and Joel found out about Zach (maluha-luha na) and I didn't know what to say, you know? Maniniwala ba naman sa akin si Joel na naaliw lang ako kay Zach? Na I didn't really love him? Na wala lang iyon? And so he broke up with me and...I..uhm...I was afraid and uhm...(Magsisimula siyang magbreak-down)

JIGS: It's okay...

YUMI: I uhm...hindi ko na alam ang gagawin ko, Joel left me. I wanted to tell him about the baby to make him come back but I don't think he'd believe me after the thing with Zach...and...my parents are gonna kill me if...shit. (iiyak)

JIGS: (lalapit kay Yumi para i-console ito) Ssshhh...you don't have to tell me this if it upsets you...

YUMI: And so I went to a clinic...(hahagulgol) I didn't mean to, Jigs.  I wasn't myself then. And I felt so afraid. So alone...

JIGS: Tahan na. Ssshhh...

Iiyak lang si Yumi kay Jigs. Yayakapin ni Jigs si Yumi.

JIGS: Alam ba to ni Joel?

YUMI: How can I tell him? The only other person na nakakaalam ay yung duktor sa clinic. God...(iiyak) Oh God...

JIGS: It's alright...

Hihimasin ni Jigs ang likod ni Yumi. Patatahanin niya ito. Matagal silang nakaganito lang.

Matagal na katahimikan.

YUMI: Can you get me my yosi?

Tatayo si Jigs. Pupunta sa may side table sa tabi ng kama. Kukunin ang yosi ni Yumi Magsisindi siya ng isa at iaabot kay Yumi.

YUMI: Thanks...

Matagal na katahimikan.

YUMI: If we were...if we were the last two people on earth, would you consider doing it with me?

JIGS: Doing what?

YUMI: Alam mo na...

JIGS: Alin? (Teasing ngingiti)

YUMI: Gago mo. (Ngingiti)

JIGS: (Ngumiti rin.)

YUMI: So? Would you?

JIGS: Alin nga? Di mo masabi no? Bakit di mo masabi (Pagtatawanan si Yumi) Sabihin mo nga: Sex! Sex! Sex! Sex!

YUMI: Shut up nga!

JIGS: That's your eight na, ha?

YUMI: I lost count. Answer it.

JIGS: Why not?

Hihithit ng yosi si Yumi. Tahimik. Sasandal si Yumi. Sa balikat ni Jigs.

JIGS:  If you could be something else, what would you be?

YUMI: I dunno...maybe a violin...yeah. Violin siguro.

JIGS: Bakit?

YUMI: I always saw the relationship of a violin and its player as very intimate. Pag tumutugtog ang violinist, ang nakikita ko at naririnig ko, he strokes the soul of the instrument and the instrument penetrates the soul of the player. Para silang nagmi-make love. Di ba? Very sexy, very intimate, very sublime. Di ba? Pareho silang sincere sa isa't isa. Dahil kung hindi sila sincere, walang music na mabubuo. The violin surrenders her body to her player, her whole body and her whole soul, in full trust and sincerity. Di ba, compared to the sound of the other instruments, ang tunog ng violin parang isang naked woman? A naked woman in surrender? I want to be a violin. I want to be stroked in the soul. I want to make sincere music. I want to experience the sound of love.

Tahimik.

JIGS: Lalim nun ah. (Ngingiti)

YUMI: Pa'no mo malalamang in-love ka na?

JIGS:  Paano? I! Don't think there s a formula to that. Basta malalaman mo na lang. I mean, ilang beses lang ba nangyari sa akin yon? I'd like to believe na yun na nga yon...yung kay Krissy...

YUMI: Kwento mo nga...paano mo narealize dati na mahal mo nga si Krissy?

JIGS: Alam mo nakakatawa...korni actually. Babalik na naman ako sa pagiging korni nito e. Di ba ayaw mo sa korni.

YUMI: Sige na. Hindi na kita aasarin.

JIGS: I heard bells.

YUMI:  Ano?

JIGS: Seryoso. Bigla na lang, habang nag-uusap kami, may narinig na lang akong bells, tapos music. Ewan ko kung iniimagine ko lang yon pero yun ang nangyari. Nakakatawa nga e. Parang kanta ng Beatles.

YUMI: Seryoso ka ba?

JIGS: O baka naman nagkataon noong oras na yon, may nagkakantahan sa kung saan sa school. Basta may narinig akong bells. Tapos napangiti ako. Pagtingin ko sa mata niya, iba na ang nakikita ko. Hindi ko na siya nakita as kabarkada lang. Biglang parang may magic. Hindi ko ma-explain. Baduy pero ganun. Tapos I just seized the moment. Umamin ako. A week later, kami na.

YUMI: Korni nga. (Matatawa)

JIGS: Korni talagang pakinggan. Pero pag nandun ka na. Pag naranasan mo na, feeling mo, hindi na korni.

Ngingiti si Yumi. Tahimik.

YUMI: Alam mo, may times na parang tunog violin ang boses mo. O lasing lang ako?

Tahimik.

JIGS: I'm into my last question.

Iaangat ni Yumi ang ulo niya.

YUMI: Shoot me. Better make it good.

JIGS:  If you were again to be the next victim of this tradition, if you were to be locked up in this room again...who would you want the next guy to be?

YUMI: (Mag-iisip) I want someone whom I could talk to... Yung makukwentuhan ko ng mga sikreto ko. Yung may sense makipag-usap. Yung may laman. The violin player who'd stroke my strings...not even. Yung mapapatunog niya ang strings ko without even touching them. (Tahimik) Lumuluwag na ang dila ko...kung anu-ano na ang nasasabi ko. (Ngingiti)

Tititigan lang ni Jigs si Yumi. Tahimik.

YUMI: Siyempre yung masarap kausap.

Tahimik. Hindi makatingin si Yumi.

YUMI: Yung kahit habambuhay wala kaming gawin kundi mag-usap... I think it's better than making love.

Mapapatingin si Yumi kay Jigs.

YUMI: Gosh I want to kiss you so badly.

Matitigilan siya.

YUMI: I can't believe I just said that.

Tahimik. Titignan niya ulit si Jigs.

YUMI: Don't you want to kiss me?

Pause. Titignan siya ni Jigs sa mata.

JIGS: Is that your last question? (Ngingiti si Jigs)

YUMI: Yes.

DILIM...

 

 

- [END] -

lovefull

Some people are plain fools, some are really stupid. When you love someone who doesn’t love you back desperately, you are a fool. If you don’t have any idea that somewhere, somebody loves you, you’re stupid. Admittedly, I know I’m a fool. I just hope that you aren’t stupid.

"Sana minsan makita mo parin ako.. kase ako.. ang nakikita ko.. ikaw lang.."

~syet ang cheesy.. haha trailer palang yan. kung alam mo ang tinutukoy ko. tumawa ka nalang.

------muntik ko na pala ibenta yung kaluluwa ko sa demonyo knina.. muntik na talaga.. shucks.

lovefull

Yeah. Officially missing you.. but i know, it's not me whom you're missing.

It's a manic monday and what a way to start the day, eh? received a sms about smiling.

"Smile a lot today.. your smile can unburden a distressed soul, gladden a sad heart, or heal a broken spirit.
be warm and safe."

I always try to smile even with those sorrows in my life. Not only that it masks the true nature of what i'm still feeling but somehow it lifts up my spirit even for a second. Hey i think most people don't know what happened to us. Uhm. I think your family knows.. and most of your friends too.. and officemates i'd say. But my family doesn't know. Mom even sends her regards. Friends messages me good luck and God bless with you.. my co-workers teases me about a thing or two.. i don't want to say what that is. and you know what.. i envy you.. for having lot of friends. Friends that really mattered.. and friends that really cared. And family? I think you're still having a hard time with them but still i envy you.. even with all the problems atleast you are with them.. everyday.. and that you live as one.

I wonder what you ate last night that you sent me that sms. But I'm glad you remembered me. Though i am still waiting for that message asking me if how am i doing. Well, you never asked me that since that day. I could always understand why you're not coming back.. i don't really care if it is between "you can't" and "you won't".. butaA little comforting could have meant alot.. When i always made you cry.. at least i was there to wipe away the tears.. I wish you could've done the same thing with me..

I don't need to wonder how you're doing. I know you're doing great. You're happy. How'd I know? Well. Someone told me.

Good morning.

*Don't mind the twins. I just like their voices.

lovefull

Well, you could try sleeping in my bed.

LSS lang po. pasensya na sa mga nagbabasa pero isasama ko kayo! damay damay na to..

itaas ang mga kamay ng nakakarelate..

lovefull

When you feel like giving up.. and there's no one to turn to.. sigh.. i know.. i told myself not to feel this way.. i told myself to be strong.. but i can't help it.. i couldn't stop thinking about you. about the past.. about what could've been.. what might have been... 81 days have passed and still everything you said still lingers in my mind. I've been haplessly trying to manipulate this reality but to no avail.. i always fail.

I feel drained. Everyday.. i wake up.. to this boring life of mine.. Now i know how it really feels to be alone.. to curl up in the corner of my room.. to cry myself to sleep, everynight.

I wish i could smile.. the way i used to.. when we were still together.. when i still had you.

"Naranasan mo na bang maging masaya? Yung sayang hindi tulad ng karaniwan mong nararamdaman. Yung sayang hindi mo kayang ipaliwanag. Yung tuwang ilang araw mo nang naiisip/nararamdaman, pero hindi ka nagsasawa. Yung tuwang walang paltos na nakakapagpangiti sayo hanggang tenga at wala kang pakialam kung ngumingiti ka na ng mag isa. Ang sarap nun." - sabi niya..

I have written something entitled "Bugso ng damdamin". Saved in my drafts.. not knowing if i should post that entry. The thing is I've got so many to things to tell to you.. but then.. i'm thinking if..

somethings are better left unsaid.. and some questions are better left unanswered.

lovefull

When all you want is to get her back.

I know what i got to do.. All i need is time. A little more time please. I just hope time wouldn't run out on me. I changed my mind about not going to my sanctuary. About doing something else. I know i'd be doing the right choice.

It's not whether you win or lose.. It's about how you played the game.. The game of love that is..

Some may say that this song is pretty much gay.. well. I don't know about him. The guy singing on the right. haha. I love this song. This song says it all.

lovefull

I wish know, I can be the man you want me to be or at least you thought I am. 

the man who sat with you and stayed to listen, when everyone tried to cheer you up.

the man who helped you up and encourage you to go on when others offered to carry you.

the man who taught you the value of taking the long way instead of the short cuts.

The kind of man who can hold your hand along the way..

without words, the kind of man who can wipe your tears and tell you everything will be ok.

With all the things that has happened, now, i know i can be a better man.
But i wonder, did you ever think of me that way?

lovefull

We laugh and laugh, and nothing can ever be sad, no one can be lost, or dead, or far away: right now we are here, and nothing can mar our perfection, or steal the joy of this perfect moment.

But you make me happy. It's living up to being happy that's the difficult part.

Don't you think it's better to be extremely happy for a short while, even if you lose it, than to be just okay for your whole life?

*I'm afraid of losing you.
-How could you lose me? I'm not going anywhere.
*I worry that you will get tired of putting up with my undependableness and you will leave me.
-But I never want to leave you. I won't ever leave you. Even though you're always leaving me.
~But I never want to leave you.

It's hard being left behind... It's hard to be the one who stays.

There is only one page left to write on. I will fill it with words of only one syllable. I love. I have loved. I will love.

you...

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
All the lines, qoutations and conversations were taken from the book Time Travellers Wife. Yes. Including the title and except the last word. I wrote them down as i read the book. Somehow, i could just relate. It amuses me how each line compliments the other much like a story (my love story) though they were taken from different chapters of the book.

lovefull

Don't you dare think dirty. haha. Those lines were what we usually joke about in the office when we have our annual physical exam and the likes. Where the doctor usually checks you out for most of your medical history.

Anyway, this is not about my annual physical exam. I had this check up last friday regarding my health condition lately. The first was sudden feeling of dizziness. And the other one i'd rather not say about. The doctor prescribed medicines for both. She said to take it easy. That i should stay away from tea, coffee, and spicy foods. And she also mentioned to relax and be wary of the things happening to me. Not to think too much, for stress could be one of the reasons why i have such conditions. I'll be taking the medications for 2 weeks, then i'll be back for another check up.

Was wondering if i need to see a psychiatrist. Maybe not. I wonder counselling sessions in church would do. I should try that one out.

lovefull

Let us choose then our words well.

I'm not that religious/pious type of guy. Everyone has their own beliefs and I have mine too. I don't usually go to church every sunday. And in this life of mine, i have sinned. Well i guess most of us does/did somehow, someway.

First time to go to "the feast". It's a mass that includes an inspirational talk afterwards. A sanguine soul introduced me to such gathering. Woke up 630 in the morning to catch the 1st session. Been thinking on my way there if i'd be late for the 8am session. It's my first time to go there and with just some simple instructions there is a chance that i might get lost on the way. haha. But then i managed to get there safely.  Just followed other people walking the pathway thinking that they might as well be going to the same place i'm going. Arrived there 5 mins earlier.

Wondering if it's gonna be worth it. I mean yung pagod pagpunta dun. Pede naman kasi magsimba dito samin. malapit lang wala pang 50 meters e simbahan na. Pero yun na nga. I felt that the mass  held there was somehow better. Sa totoo lang.. depende sa pari ang misa. That's what i think. I mean kung di sya boring magbigay ng homily then that's good. Well this was a good start.. considering it was my first. And i'm hoping na ganito rin ung mga mangyayari sa susunod na  mga lingo. or even better.

After the mass, Mr. Bo Sanchez is next in line. This is pretty much different. I've never been in a religious gathering for more than 2 hours. ngyon lang. The 1st hour  was the typical mass na depende sa pari kung aantukin ka o hindi. Then the next hour and a half, kakaiba ang feeling. haha. Was really interested to hear those inspirational/life changing words that some people were talking about.

The talk. Mr. Sanchez words were indeed life changing. Simple lang kung titingnan mo pero malalalim ang kahulugan. Today was about how powerful words can be and about Honor. He talked about honor between parents and their children alike. Masakit man isipin.. tinamaan ako sa mga sinabi nya.. and i wished my mom and dad were there with me to hear those things.. pati narin siguro yung mahal ko.. and her parents too.. because there was an instance na nabangit ung favoritism ng parents sa mga kanilang mga anak.. Maswerte siguro yung mga anak ng mga magulang  na nakarinig ng mga salita nya kanina. Kasi kung tutuusin kung isa kang magulang mapapaisip ka talaga e.

Well, what could i say.. It was worth it.

~nung paalis na pala ako dun nakita ko ung isang poster ni Mr. Sanchez.. Somehow it really made me think..

"Your past does not define your future."