lovefull

I found myself sitting here tonight reminiscing about all the unforgettable times we've shared together. Those moments were only few but just thinking about it makes me glow inside. More so than being happy, I'm pround to be part of something extraordinary, you.

At first, I was hesistating to do this because there is too much to risk. But then I realized I don't want to have any more regret when the time comes. There are many things I want to say to you but I just don't know where to begin. I don't even remember how to do this but deep inside I know that if I go on with this, there would be changes. I choose to continue simply because I want to and need to express myself. I'm not sure if you've noticed it during those times that we were together. Somehow its hard to keep things as it is. As time progressed, it gets harder to pretend that I don't have any feelings for you.

I may have written a lengthy and undetailed letter trying to confess to you but then I realized that everything I've written would end up as waste. It would be a waste to write something so extensive when my feelings remain so logically simple. It takes only a few words to clearly describe how I feel about you. To cut everything short, I'd like to tell you and let you know that my intentions are true and I want to commit myself to you as I have commtted myself to the Lord.

To anyone who knows you, you are a bright, capble achiever who is beautiful and remarkably confident, without you their lives would be a little more difficult and a little less pleasant. To me, you are simply me, without you, I would not be me. You have been a part of me that I would not faintly resemble that man I am today, and I thank you for that.

Now you have an idea of how I feel and with that changes are bound to happen. Even with the changes coming around, know that I am still the man who you once knew, who'd always be there for you. Changes are inevitable and the best that I could do is change for the better.

P.S. I don't exactly know when you'll be able to read this. I just hope and pray that by the time you've read this. I could have mustered enough courage to say to you everything I wanted to say.

lovefull

Last night was awesome! Way too great for a midweek escapade. Finally, had the chance to meet up with her and have that coffee together that should have been last saturday. Oh sorry, It wasn't coffee, it was something like a mocha drink. None the less, its funny how things turned out. Despite the mess up on where to meet (sorry, my fault) the night ended quite amusing.

Blissful night I say, and I learned a thing or two about her and other stuffs from last night while we were wandering off the streets of makati.

We were going to cross the street then I noticed the 'no jaywalking' sign. She giggled and asked, memorized mo pa ba ang panatang makabayan? Sabi ko naman ay hindi at naitanong ko kung bakit? Sabi nya dapat alam mo yun kasi yun yung ipinapasalaysay sayo pagnahuli ka ngjjaywalking, haha. We were about to cross that street then suddenly I held her hand saying, wag tayo dyan, ikot nalang tayo. I may not be familiar with the place but somehow we found a pedestrian lane and crossed. On the other side, I just told her. Wag ibuwis ang buhay sa mga walang silbing bagay talking about common street signs like bawal tumawid may namatay na dito and other signs. Lol. I didn't know why I said those things and I could vaugely remember our conversation but one thing remained. I held her hand the whole time up until we rode the bus.

I learned that she wears an eyeliner. The reason? Better not expose everything here or I might be dead meat. XD But whatever her reason is, I just love those expressive eyes of hers.

#another thing..
wag makialam ng cutics ng iba. haha. kasi kuko nya un. kung gusto mo pakialaman mo ung sayo. :p
(just a thought, red looks good on her nails..)

lovefull

Since usong uso ang tetris sa fb ngyon.

Somehow I just realized that

If God would play tetris, He would have the highest score because He makes everything fall into the right place.

Now, If my life is like that game.. I wonder if the pieces are falling into their proper places. Well, something tells me that part of it is now making sense. Tried hard to fit the different pieces that were given in the past, but it doesn't quite add up to that big picture. I wouldn't think that there were something wrong on all those pieces that were given. Must have been my way of playing the game of life. I may have placed those pieces together in a wrong way. But then again the good thing  is, It's not game over yet. This time, given the chance. I'm going to play it right. Carefully placing each piece of my life where it should be. Thinking first where to put a piece before it goes down to the bottom of that picture. With God's aid, I can do this.

lovefull

So what is it really?? Though most say that one should not fear if what you think and feel is true yet I just couldn't help that fact that there is that hint of fear inside me. A hint of fear yes, but doubt? None whatsoever. Not a single trace of it in what I'm experiencing.

Everything is doing great I must say, with a certain bump here and there, but summing it all up.. Life is indeed to be enjoyed. I've never felt this great from before. Must have been all those wonderful things happening around me lately. I've experienced those times when all the music playing is against you but this time it's the other way around. MYMP classics playing during dinner and even up to the fx i took on my way home. (Way back into love and God gave me you played tonight, those songs just made me smile).

Gave her something a while ago, It was something that should have been given days before. Well It was something that should have been said even before everything started. I know, there was something missing within that letter, not to mention the last part which I omitted. Somehow there was something hindering me from trying to let it all out. Please, God help me on this one.

She asked if she need to reply or comment on what I wrote. Well, I just replied that it's not that necessary. If she feels like saying something then there's nothing wrong with that and I told her that she should just go for it. Having said that I patiently and nervously waited for her reply. I must admit my heart skipped / missed a beat. I just thought to myself, tama ba talaga na sinabi ko mga salitang yun? Then her reply came. Held my breath exhaled a deep one. This was quite a night I must say..

*andun na yung kaba.. pero tila napawi lahat ng iyon ng makita ko ang ngiti sa huli. At sa gabing ito, masasabi kong matutulog akong di napapawi ang ngiti sa aking mga labi.

lovefull

It's been a while since i had this much fun. From those simple jokes and childhood conversations. Funny how such simple things could create so much happiness and laughter. Well, I could hardly breathe while laughing my heart out when we were at the underpass laughing at the sounds created by our footwears. and How about walking in the rain just having each other's hand to hold on to. Not minding getting wet at all. And just feeling the rain drops on our skin singing Natasha Bedingfield's "Feel the rain on your skin" and humming songs such as "ulan and tuwing umuulan at kapiling ka". And while on our way home, when her head was on my shoulder, I wonder if she heard me whisper, sana bagal-bagalan ni manong driver ang pagddrive..

Oh... These are just one of those memories that you'd always keep in your heart.

Despite those greats things happening around me, oh don't misunderstand me on this one, I'm not complaining here. It's just that I'd like to point out that as much as I want to let it all out. There's still something that's holding me back. Just like a while ago, I had everything all planned out. The things I would do and I'd say the moment I see her up till the night ends. But then again, expectations were never near the reality. And though it went that way, I'm still happy it all turned out to be a fun and joyful night.

lovefull

Finally, Got the chance to be with her over a cup of hot chocolate. I wish I could have not stuttered but still I'm thankful that I managed to express myself. I'm not that good with words.. I don't know about writing but it's really different when it comes to vocal conversations. Good thing I just sticked with the truth and just let it all out.

*thought about what I've said and She says it's way hotter that the hot chocolate that we had.
well I just said, in my mind of course.. mas hot ka! :D

I'll be taking a leave from work tomorrow to be with my aunt, uncle and cousin. My cousin is going to undergo a heart operation tomorrow. I pray and claim that all will be well. If you're reading this, i'm asking for a simple prayer for a successful operation. God is good, all the time.

lovefull

I'm about to take a life changing event tomorrow. Well this gonna be a shocker. Guess I'm just too tired to work on my current company. I'm taking a leave, by that I mean an indefinite one. Too bad for them, they lost another one good hardworking employee (oh, i'm just lifting my own chair here.. hush hush.. haha). Lucky for me, It's about time to start a new beginning. I may have lost a lot while working at this company but I didn't blame them for the lost. It was all about me and my decision. And right now, it's all up to me. Uhmm, I did gain something from them too. I guess professional skills and personal developments, not to mention friends too.

I'd like to apologize to someone. Sorry doc, wasn't able to do talk and update you on the things happening around me. I'll fill you in the details next time. I promise.

While on our way home, I've been wondering what was happening lately. There was fun and laughter a while ago. A not so typical walk along buendia. And an outrage of silence inside the fx. Somehow, I just feel cold when she goes to silence. She's thinking about something yet I'm there doing nothing except staring at her. Couldn't help but wonder if there is something wrong? Or if I could do something about it... sigh. It's hard when the only thing you could do is understand her during these times and trust that she's not bothered with anything unhealthy for her.

She also said something about someone at their place seeing us together near the streets of their house. She mentioned her parents asked questions of who was the guy. I wanted to ask more about what happened but somehow she just wouldn't tell me more. T_T Having that idea that her parents know someone is seeing their daughter, just makes me wanna meet them as soon as possible. I mean, It would really be nice if I get to know her parents and let them know who their daughter is seeing. I wonder when could that be...

lovefull

Crappy week just passed by, make that 2. Project deadline at its' limit, and my body's at its' limit too but overtime seems to last forever. Thank God It ended last night. Though I was sad to hear I made some mistake with the data. Oh well, tiredness and sleepyness must have soaked me to let that one slipped. Uhmm. Enough of work, (it's going to end and be over sooner than I would expect..) Moving on to other matters.

Finally, after a long week of heavy load at work. I got to see her again. I didn't realize that it's already been more than a week since I last gaze upon her beauty. Missed her that much but could help but wonder if she misses me too. Though we have constant communication, it's always different when you get to see her and talk to her in person. I won't rate how much have been said and done. I've already confessed some of the most important matters and others are to follow soon. I told her that I'm not looking for a girlfriend. Not just that, I'm thinking way more than that,.. I'm searching for someone to be with me, A life partner..

Now, everything depends on her decision.. will she accept me? will she be the one?
but before that.. I just had to ask one favor of her.. I told her a while ago that I'd like to meet her parents before we  could continue with the next big step... yup I just said those words to her.. even with the uncertainty that is about to come.

lovefull

God's whispers today..

Dear lovefool,

Champions run toward their fears.  And you, lovefool, are a champion.

Trust me,

God

P.S. When it’s not an emergency, lovefool, don’t make decisions based on fear.
Always make decisions based on love.