lovefull

I saw her today. I wouldn't have noticed if a friend hadn't told me. I wasn't expecting her to be around. Well, she was a sight to behold. I wanted to greet her the moment I saw her but I couldn't leave my post.

We met after two hours, She said she was looking for me. That she has something to give and that she has read my letter. She reached out her letter and gave me a hug. Uhm, just what I needed. A hug on this very tight and uneasy situation. A hug! was it the first time? hmm.. must have been because I couldn't really remember if we had hugged since the day we knew each other. I felt the warmth of her embrace, such a very nice feeling and I had wished that everything could just stop and end right then and there. But then, I'm not living in a make-create fantasy world. The reality is that together with that warm and nice embrace I felt a chill running through my spine. That uneasy and hard to explain feeling. Oh if you could only imagine where I am at that moment. That warm and cold feeling mixing in, happy yet somehow uneasy. As if something is tearing me apart, pullng off every part of my body in unknown and different directions. Quite an experience.

Now onto to the next part, we bid each other with a smile after that embrace. I went to my post with tons of things running through my head. Questions pouring out of nowhere. Until finally, it strucked me! The answer to those questions are now at hand. I wanted to read the letter but i needed to prepare for another important task at hand. I have a responsibility to conduct a discussion, more of an introduction to an important event in the community. With that in mind, I focused first on my responsibility of being a guide. And about the other as important letter, I know it has to wait for a while. I need to thank PLW about what I was able to do here. Thanks to their silencing exercises, I was able to focus more and segregate the distracting but necessary emotions that time. I was able to concentrate on my task and finished it without having to sacrifice time nor content regarding the discussion.

After that, Now comes the much awaited event. As much as I'd like to unfold the uncertain future, I thought about what could happen. Well, there's only two possible answer. No matter what the letter holds, I realized that I needed to be somewhere safe, somewhere silent, and somewhere where I could express my emotions because I knew that whatever is inside that letter, one way or another, I can't stop my tears from bursting. With that, I just had the perfect place in mind and ever present witness. That was the first place that came to mind. It was near the office and I also needed to go to the office to render some over time.. (yeah, sucks right? work on weekends.. but I had to. :s )

On my way there, I had to prepare myself. I knew where I was going, my mind was busy directing my body towards that place while my heart was preparing for what is about to come. I barely noticed where I was until I found myself standing at the door. I took a deep breath, made the sign of the cross, and whispered this is it Lord.

As I entered the blessed sacrament chapel, I can feel the cold breeze of the air conditioner yet inside me was that unknown burning feeling. I went to the corner of the room, sat down and offered a prayer. Then I turned to the letter and said.. "Thy will be done."

Should have posted this on that exact date when everything happened but I guess it doesn't really matter.