lovefull

Why do we have repeated experiences? Its because repeated experiences have one aim, to teach us the things we refuse to learn. That's what they always said about life. Now, I'm going through my past again in search for the answer. What was it that I missed? What am I looking for? Frankly speaking, I do not know.

I do not know what's happening to me. I used to be the guy who could take it all. But lately, I feel like I'm different from my old self. As if I couldn't hold on, that I needed someone to talk to. Regardless, I can't be sulking in a corner. Though I feel I need people to listen, it's just that I can't seem to handle my problems nowadays. I am trying to change but I never thought this could happen. Is this a good thing? Sigh.. I wonder if everything is falling into place or is it still falling apart.

It's still bothering me. This feeling called love. It's her.. I'm thinking that I have done everything but a part of me tells me that I could do more. But I couldn't think of anything. If she could have said yes to the invitation then maybe I could have that plan into reality. Everything's unclear, uncertain. I know I took the risk, still the friendship hangs on the balance. It's as if the past was repeating itself. Forgive me if I am comparing. It's just that I'm probably losing my mind just thinking about it.

I know she's happy, but I want her to be happier, and somehow, I also want to be part of that happiness. I know I'm not that good but I'm trying to be better. I really don't know if I could be hitting rock bottom sooner or later.. still hopes are high.

What does the future entail? That my friend I do not know. But one thing is sure, if there's something I could do about it, I'll do my best and not give up. But if there's not much more I could do then I give it all to you Lord. I surrender myself to you. Let Thy will be done.

In love I accept everything
let Your will be done
into Your hands I commend myself
in silence and in peace.