lovefull

This entry is kinda long compared to the other one i normally have.. so if your reading.. pls. bear with me. i do hope i'm not boring you. =)

To start with, i attended the the feast for the second time around. It all went well. TGIS.. thank God it's sunday. Todays' topic was about the Truth. Last week was Honor and 1st was about faith. Too bad i wasn't able to attend the first. If only i knew about this then It would have been great.

The talk was great. So was the homily. I admit. I never felt sleepy during the mass even though I woke up at 6 this morning. Btw, i need to set my body clock now. I'm trying to wake up at 530 to 6am everyday just to set things up straight.. yes even on weekends..

I just have to share this. I felt different when i am attending the feast for some reason..  i know everyone should be happy and rejoice when they are there to hear the words of God but somehow a little sadness pinches my heart when the speaker usually talks and says "tell someone beside you you're special." or "you're beautiful".. well i could do those things.. but it just feels awkward. I forgot what the speaker said or asked the listeners to do but somehow this guy sitting beside me tapped my shoulder, acknowledge me, and smiled at me. The same thing happened last week.. the lady beside me rubbed my back ung tipong haplos ng isang ina and i felt her saying everything would be fine. You'll be ok so don't worry.. and she smiled at me. I wasn't able to do anything but to acknolwedge them with a nod in reply and smiling back at them too. I wish i could do that plainly to someone who is a total stranger.. like what they did to me..  it would have felt great to do those kind of things. And about the guy earlier, he was with this girl.. i think she was his girlfriend.. i remembered when the speaker said something like "Hug someone beside you.." well.. the girl said "kaya mo ko siguro dinala dito".. and they chuckled while hugging each other. Again. that feeling..

If only i had known about these kind of lifechanging talks and events.. then.. somethings might have changed.. and it could've been for the better. I'm not blaming anyone regarding this matter, including the mistakes i made and this sadness i am currently feeling.. Not God, not the people around me.. not her and certainly not me. Blessings are everywhere.. it's just that we are not ready to accept those blessing or it's just not the right time.. that's what i've learn today.

And i've been thinking if i would invite her to attend the Feast with me this valentine's day. This wasn't part of my original plan but i'm doing this plus pursue the original plan.. together with another thing. I'll save the other thing for the later entries. So i'm taking the initiative. It's now or never.

I'm praying for God's guidance.. and hoping you could all pray for me too.  It's not that God doesn't hear my prayers or we could have louder voice if we prayed together.. basta now I know kung baket. I'll probably post the link next time  explaining everything..

It's been said that the Truth shall set you free.. I didn't want to believe what she said was the Truth back then... It's just hard.. and this time.. i am going to ask again.. i pray that God will give me the strength to accept the Truth.. whole heartedly.

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After church, i treated myself to a good and simple lunch. I was wishfully hoping she was there with me.. too bad it was a lonely table just for one.

 1st up, an old time favourite.. warm mushroom soup to sooth the cold feeling inside me.

 Main Course. Lasagna, another fav.. I'm thinking that this one might have been a little bit oily for me. But hey. Minsan na lang naman to.

 And for desert. How about baked cheese for my sweet tooth.. Blueberries were not able.. so i didn't get to have my favourite blueberry cheesecake. Instead I chose the marbled cheesecake. It was good, though i think it was a bit sweet or maybe i was used to eating cheesecakes with blueberries to compliment the sweetness. But i must say the texture of the cake is awesome. all in all i can give it 8/10 rating.. haha. But for me, nothing really beats blueberry cheesecake.