lovefull

Oh, I'm back. With a headache. Slept at quarter to 5 this morning and woke up at 10. Talk about one hell of a day. Oh. Sorry. Pls. bear with me. It's me ranting again. Still got 4 days right? haha.

It's the 3rd time i've dreamt about her. And it was usually the weekends. It was nostalgic. Everything was doing great but i woke up. People say dreams have meaning and usually it is the opposite when it comes to the real world. But i don't believe in such things. Everytime i've dreamt about her.. there is that feeling that I wanted to text her, saying i'm awake.. i'll be taking a bath and i'm off to your place. But then after a while, i realize there's really no more place to go to every weekend. Nobody to see.. Nobody to cuddle with.. Just nobody.

Was it a good decision to tell her about the idea/plan. Thank you would have suffice but having that weird feeling as if ________ me and my feeling for her really burned me down to the ground. I really don't know what she's feeling. I'm not a good guesser and definitely not a mind reader. I don't have the right to ask her how she feels. but I'm having two insights about her.. I know she's doing great at this moment. Better than me i hope. With all the smiles, and laughter around her. I'm thinking there is someone hiding beneath that mask of happiness. Someone who's hiding her true emotions. Someone who's hurting, same as me or probably much more. Someone afraid to express her feelings. Acting like it doesn't hurt when it really does. The other part. I thinking that someone is happy without me in her life. Someone who lost that feeling a long time ago when i thought everything was going great. Someone who's not afraid to express that everything is over.. even if it means hurting me.. and someone who'd never fall for me again.. for reasons so hard for me to write down here..

So.. which is which? and who's who?