lovefull

Got 4 days left till the end of the year. 4 days left to mourn? 4 days to think about the good, the bad and the dead. 4 days to express myself. 4 days to rant about all the sad things that happened. 4 days to learn how to live life to the fullest. 4 days to learn how to make the most out of everything. 4 days left to stop the hurting or is it till the hurting stops..

Right now i really don't know how i feel. I did tell her something about my plan. It wasn't sweet. It was sincere. And it was the truth yet she finds it weird. Can't blame myself? It is me who's to blame for for everything. It's always been me. The arguements, the problems, and ofcourse the break up. My fault my bad and all but wasn't my decision. And with all this blaming myself thing happening, something tells me there is always another side of the story. Like it always takes two to tango, you probably know what i mean by that. I don't want to think of it this way but somehow i'm trying to move on.. Forgive me of thinking bad things about us. About why you left me and others. Must be the bitterness coming around. Now i know how that someone felt---....  And i know i felt this way before.. kinda like dejavu but worse.. As much I would want to express myself here.. I rather write it down privately. In order not to offend her if ever she'd be reading this. Still there are things that are not fully understandable..

What do you call yourself when you love someone and your not asking for any love in return? Maybe you'd think that it's what they call true love.. or better yet.. unconditional love. That's what i thought in the past.. HaHa! Fool. You call yourself a fool when you love someone and you don't ask for something in return. Dati naramdaman ko na yan. Pero ngayon di ko alam kung bakit nahihirapan akong tangapin ang aking kapalaran na kelangan bumalik ako sa pagiging ganyan.. e dati naman ganyan na ko.

Even with all this hurting. Still, i keep my word. No regrets. No doubts.